Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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