it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
