Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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