if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
