wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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