I think i peed on brittanys purse
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize