I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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