Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
