so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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