Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
