she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
