whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
