and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
