That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
