I didn't shave. On purpose
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
