I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots