Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You smell like stripper and shame
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.