Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(855): View more from

somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

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(855): somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/4p1d

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(763): View more from Minnesota

she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle

(612): View more from Minnesota

safety first

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(763): she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle (612): safety first http://tfl.nu/lbuo

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(407): View more from Florida

the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.

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(407): the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever. http://tfl.nu/psk0

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?

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(336): Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep? http://tfl.nu/earn

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities

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(603): I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities http://tfl.nu/wabu

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(575): View more from New Mexico

not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.

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(575): not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame. http://tfl.nu/c14x

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(304): View more from West Virginia

she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference

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(304): she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference http://tfl.nu/95t7

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(404): View more from Georgia

Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it

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(404): Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it http://tfl.nu/ez1e

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(607): View more from New York

Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth

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(607): Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth http://tfl.nu/3kds

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(+66): View more from Thailand

Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.

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(+66): Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees. http://tfl.nu/3h4e

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(817): View more from Texas

Do you have any booze?

(214): View more from Texas

Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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(817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57

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(647): View more from Ontario

I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.

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(647): I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/pqu7

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(808): View more from Hawaii

They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call

(906): View more from Michigan

Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008

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(808): They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call (906): Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008 http://tfl.nu/rt6t

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(575): View more from New Mexico

Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.

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(575): Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier. http://tfl.nu/k0qx

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(940): View more from Texas

Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.

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(940): Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying. http://tfl.nu/q8jl

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