Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear