I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying