Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
