i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize