I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
