The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
