Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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