just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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