and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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