It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
