I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
