wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
