His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
