If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
