I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
