You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
