I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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