when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
