Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
