Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
