If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
