I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
