Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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