Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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