He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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