My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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