I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
