I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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