Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
