Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
