Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
