I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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