i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
