I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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