but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
