I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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