Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
