Please, let me fuck your mom
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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