***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
