He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
