I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
