omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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