____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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