As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
