So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think my tv is drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
