Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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