I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
