This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
accomplished twins. life is a go
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
