I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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