Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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