take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
