I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
