So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
